Erin Murray: Building Mental Resilience

Building mental resilience 

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve been highly competitive. And simply labelling it as “competitive” might even be an understatement…I’ve always had an intense need to be the best at anything I tried to do.

My entire life, this has been a blessing and a curse. 

On one hand, it has made me incredibly stubborn and gritty when it comes to succeeding at things I care about. However, for the longest time it had far more negative consequences…

It made me such a perfectionist at everything I did, that if it couldn’t be done perfectly, it wasn’t worth doing at all.

It made me so hyper fixated on looking a certain way, I had to drop out of college to enter treatment for an eating disorder that had rendered me incapable of making it to class anymore.

It made me so dependent on external validation, that once I entered adulthood and stopped getting gold stars for my accomplishments, I lost all sense of self worth.

And it made me so obsessed with living a life that would be worthy of being remembered, that any failure or misstep in my path toward grandeur almost took me out of the picture entirely.

For the longest time, mental resilience to me meant doing whatever it takes no matter what. I always joked that anyone who’s the best in the world at anything probably isn’t very healthy. That reaching the top of any pursuit required a certain level of dysfunction and willing lack of balance in your life. And to some extent some of that might be true…truly being the best at anything doesn’t allow for much balance in the way that most people prioritise their lives. It requires an insane amount of grit and work ethic and willingness to go above and beyond what most would consider normal or healthy. 

You know what it DOESN’T require though? Being unhappy.

I didn’t accept that last part until very recently though. I have some really crazy big goals when it comes to my strongwoman career, and for the longest time I forewent things that were good for my soul because on paper they got in the way of what was required to be successful. Prioritising performance over my mental health to me meant that I was taking it seriously. I’ve skipped vacations with my family, let friendships fall by the wayside, not pursued hobbies that might distract from my goals, and refused much needed mental health treatment because I was unwilling to miss even a single training session or meal or hour of sleep. And at the time, I was so proud of myself for having that level of dedication.

Until it finally dawned on me about a year ago: I’ll never reach any of my goals if I’m not here anymore.

I still very much have a “do whatever it takes” mentality…it’s just that my version of “do whatever it takes” looks different now. I started to challenge some of the perceptions I had of what it looks like to be dedicated, and pushed myself to pursue joy even when it maybe wasn’t the “right thing” to do on paper. And you know what? My training got better…

I’ve found a love for the sport that I’d lost…making me more present and invested in my training sessions.

I no longer struggle with chronic fatigue…meaning I have so many more hours of the day available for productivity.

I have a newfound energy and drive to push outside my comfort zone…opening me up to new opportunities for growth.

Now, mental resilience to me doesn’t mean toughing it out and pushing through setbacks and challenges no matter what. It has nothing to do with pushing forward toward a goal through adversity. It means knowing that no matter what happens, I’ll be okay…that my worth and value has nothing to do with my place on a podium. That each competition is a small stepping stone along a path toward an overarching goal, and not the be-all and end-all. And those setbacks only become failures if you don’t choose to move forward again.

And most importantly…pursuing happiness should be at the root of everything we do. I used to think the meaning of life was to leave a legacy. I’m finally starting to reframe my thinking. I still intend to pursue my goals with relentless passion, not because I don’t think my life is worthwhile otherwise…but because I have a rekindled excitement for challenging the boundaries of possibility.

I set a goal for myself to become the greatest strongwoman of all time…and I used to live in a constant state of anxiety about whether or not I’d be successful in that pursuit.

Now, I KNOW that I’ll reach my goal, not because I HAVE to be…but because I love and believe in myself in a way I couldn’t before.

@e.murray_pro.strongwoman